Are You Afraid?

Through the limited eyes of mortals (you and me), sin is never-ending. My sin is never-ending. No matter what promises I make to myself, no matter how resolute I am, I have never, ever been able to prevent myself from sinning. Have you?

I have found my need for grace to be seemingly limitless, because I needed it yesterday, I needed it the day before, I needed it in every memory I examine. I need it now, struggling with my pride, despair, and fear. I will need it in the future, for the rest of my life. Sin seems limitless.

I grew up hearing scripture; I grew up taught promises about God's power in the life of the Christian. I still read them now.

I believe I have been saved by Christ's blood, and I am certain of the joy of my eternity.

I am not certain about tomorrow; my faith struggles when I search for the promises of God I am supposed to see in my life. My Alma Mater cut all of the best professors I had outside of my department last week. My friend struggled with thoughts of suicide. I was unable to give a promised gift to a friend.  My family is exhausted, and our work we were supposed to finish yesterday is not done.

I have not yet received the utterly clear guidance I have been praying for, that I need in the next forty-four minutes. I am unable to reach out for help except in prayer, and I have ceased to pray for guidance, because I am so desperately praying for faith to believe God will give it.

And filling the sky in the landscape of my life are clouds, dark, thunderous clouds of sin, covering the sky, sometimes whirling in a tornado, always clouding the sun, and I am not sure they will ever break before I die.

I cannot stop sinning. I cannot. I cannot defeat the least sin in my life, nor give up the idols of my heart that sit on God's own throne. I walk each day knowing I am despicable in God's sight, that my actions would never bear the scrutiny of any good judge. I know my thoughts, my temper, and my heart are worse.

I know that some readers will face the same thing. Sin after sin after sin, in a never-ending threat of tornadoes and death, and there seems to be no victory this side of heaven.

Are you afraid?

Are you afraid that sin will keep you from God, that it means failure as a Christian - the unacceptable failure?

Even if it doesn't forbid you from entering heaven, are you afraid it denies you access to grace while you live?

Read this - not to see that Christ's sufferings are greater than yours. But for another purpose.

"he said to them, 'My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.' And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.' And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. […] Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, 'My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.' And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again" (Matthew 26:38-44).

Christ wept tears of blood, and He did it alone. There was no one near who helped Him, who would even stay awake with Him. He suffered countless agony on the cross.

After He went through that, do you really think He would let you go?

After that, do you really think He would be satisfied to be separated from you while you lived, and then join in fellowship with you in eternity?

We were chosen from before the foundation of the world (Titus 1). God suffered a splintering of perfect fellowship, fellowship that turned to wounds for all as the Father forced Himself to pour His wrath on His beloved Son, who pleased Him, and Christ suffered Hell alone. 

After that, do you really think He would let you go?

After that, do you think He would let you live your life apart from Him?

We are justified while sinners - tonight, my pastor pointed out that we were justified - made perfectly righteous - when we were "foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another." It is not that God is pretending, nor that He doesn't see us when He calls us righteous, but that Christ's righteousness really is given to us. His works really are ours.

If God chose us while we were that despicable, why would I be afraid that my sin today would separate me from Him? 

Why would I be afraid?

Why would you?