The Conviction of Right

       Humans are obsessed with being right--a trait very evident in my family. We're so convinced we're right we must hit our heads on the wall--repeatedly at times--before admitting to being wrong. And then we apologize. I'd viewed determination to be right a negative trait. But I've discovered it's more.
      I cannot do the impossible unless I know it is right to do so. My life is impossible, by human standards. I am only attempting it because I believe God called me to it. Or believed. As long as God was on my side, as long as I was doing right, the obstacles did not matter, nor the sacrifices. But the rightness of my course has been called into question, and I am frozen inside, twisting, writhing, trying to come to grips with this.
    Because last night I reaffirmed my course, I believe it to be right...but others disagree. And common sense disagrees. And perhaps wisdom--I do not believe I have enough of that to judge. My own belief of rightness is not enough, because I have been too often wrong; I depend on other's judgement.
    But what of conviction? Without it, I cannot try and try and try and try and take the blows and climb those last few steps at the end of night when I have been doing so many things that day, and I cannot keep my temper. God, help. Show me what is right; lead me in your way.