Spanning Distances

I exist
in a disconnected world.
My job,
eight hours a day,
on the phone, taking claims
From GA, IA, AK, CA,
Mere moments with mortals millions of miles
away. They don't know me; I'm a voice
in a phone, completely professional.

Come home, homework
on the computer,
cyberspace,
Disconnected, none of it applies
to anything I'm doing, only to
a future--that's nothing more than dreams.
Dreams, they're disconnected
from right now.

My friends-
the 2 closest, both in GA, while I'm here,
here,
here,
literally thousands of miles away.
I can't touch them.
My family--they're busy, and
they do not know what
it might be like to talk
so freely, so openly--no secrets.
Secrets hide reality
disconnect with masked faces
one person from another.
And I have no right to ask them to show their reality;
Disconnect.

But the biggest distance
I create
my sin, my shame, my sorrow
that alters none of my actions
(so it seems)
God, I want you.
I cannot find you.
I cannot hear you.
I cannot see you.
I take on trust,
tried and tested faith
Your existence.
You have proved it.
But I do not know, right now, how faith connects
with reality
how to put faith
and reality
in the same line,
or the same life.
I do not know how to span the distance
between the supernatural and the eight hour work day
the certainty and the cyberspace
the faith and my family.
And I cannot come to you
of my own power or will; I run
away,
sucked back into--disconnect
and gone.

But you told me, once,
and then again
and again
that you are here,
here,
HERE, with me.
That you bridged the distance
with your blood
and filled the empty space with your love.
That I cannot make you leave.
And I believe you.
I believe you.
Teach me now to live
in reality with faith.