Release

    I'm not posting this because I've found release; I'm posting because I'm seeking it. This seems to be a weird place to be looking for it--watching my mother and two sisters in our slightly rearranged living room dancing to the newer cupid shuffle--loud music (LOUD!!), Mom counting to teach L the right timing, but all of them are having so much fun! I already joined them, but I'm very tired.
    And stressed. I've worked in a new situation for the past week and two days, and I'm so frustrated. I'm used to stepping in and doing the things that make the job easier, and smoothing the way by solving problems and offering my experience quietly when needed (well, hopefully--I don't do it as well as that over half the time!) Here, at this job, I'm not allowed (by law) to help with most of the major jobs; despite intensive searching, there are still times when I am wandering around a very small space with nothing to do while everyone around me is trying desperately to catch up so the customers waiting for twenty minutes can be waited on. It's been incredibly frustrating--and humbling. I acknowledge that I need that very, very much. But I am wondering what to do--
    Because I am stressed. I have been to college, taken twenty credit hours, strengthened relationships, led a ministry, worked as a student assistant and found a job for the summer all in one semester. I was highly stressed and left that semester exhausted and a bit of a workaholic--it became a habit to work every moment I was awake unless I deliberately set aside time to play. But I haven't been stressed like this--not stressed with what is left to do, but with all that I cannot do. And I don't know how to lose it. I've tried sitting still, reading and watching TV (escapism, not a cure), and exercising--but nothing works for long, or more than once so far. So I'm wondering what to do. It's something I'm likely supposed to surrender, to give up, especially since helping people is a near-compulsion for me. Ugh. "Saying it out loud," or its equivalent, makes it worse.
   So what now? How do I surrender something when I'm not sure how to? God, please help me with this. Amen.