Promised

Sometimes it is dark.

Sometimes it is so dark I cling to the dark, hiding, afraid, withdrawing from light, for the darkness hides from everyone else the knowledge that I am afraid.

Sometimes fear shudders my body as tears stream down my cheeks.

I am afraid of loss. I am afraid of losing someone I love. I am afraid of how sick she is.

I looked to prayer, and it drove the evil in the darkness away, but my heart was not calm. I sent messages to friends, asking for help, and a little reassurance came.

I left the dark and came down to my room, seeking answers, seeking help. I reached for The Valley of Vision, Whispers of His Power, and my ESV Study Bible bound in leather, books I know well from devotions. I did not know where to look.

My Bible was the logical choice, for it held infallible truth. It is a big book; I still did not know where to look.

I had a bookmark in Psalm 130. I started to read. "Out of the depths I cry to you; O LORD, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive, to the voice of my pleas for mercy!" My eyes were filled with tears, I was sobbing. I had memorized the Psalm, and though I could no longer read it through the salty water, I remembered. Here another of God's children had pleaded too.

And my fear. God is trustworthy, God is great, God is merciful to the frail. But I did not want to be afraid. I knew that it was wrong. And I had sinned, throughout the day, and approaching God was hard, even though I need Him, I need him, I need him.

 Here, the Psalmist's next verse. "If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared." The first two verses, the cries I could not find the words to utter.

The next verse, the one I had to believe, because I did not know it here and now, "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I hope. My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning." Had I not just found in His word the cries I needed? God, give me strength to wait, to hope; God, give this to me! God, give me what I pray for my loved one, please; God, thy will be done. God, thy will is good. If it be your will, heal her, tonight. Heal her completely. Tonight, and leave her with us. God, if this is your will, please. Please, God.

The last verse is almost a command to the reader, a command to give others the same command the reader finds to be truth. "O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and in Him is plentiful redemption, and He will redeem Israel, from all his iniquities." A sister of mine (in Christ, close to me) called, and I shared what I was finding to be truth. God's word playing out in my life.

All good things.

But not quite enough. My sister prayed with me, and I was calmer. My soul is still pleading endlessly for her health, my loved one. I still have tears washing over my eyes, then retreating, not falling. I still cannot breath through my nose, and my words are almost frantic, pleading, seeking release.

But there is one thing my soul is clinging to, one thought He gave me.

Jesus is healer.

It is no guarantee, this thought of mine. But it is a promise, of who God is.

Jesus is healer.

The truths of Scripture, that come to us in need. The beauty of the jewels in the darkness of the mine, the reflection of light in the water to a drowning person that leads them up to air, or the rock that does not move in an earthquake where everything crumbles.

Jesus healed the sick, the lame, the blind, the dead. God who is healer, heal her tonight. God who is healer, send forth your power tonight. God who is everything to me, and to her, heal. If it be your will, heal. In the name of Christ, amen.

Jesus is healer. This I have been promised, my God can heal. May He heal her tonight. Amen.